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Three racehorses were sitting in a pub bragging to each other about their track records.

The first horse boasts: "I've been in 59 races and I've won 35 of them."

"That's nothing," says the second horse. "I've raced 97 times, and I've won 78 of them!"

The third horse joins in: "Well, I've raced 122 times and I've won 102!"

Just then, the horses hear a voice say, "I've got you all beat!"

The horses look down and see a greyhound, who tells them: "I've raced over 200 times, and I have NEVER lost!"

The horses look at the dog in amazement.

One of them says: "How about that! A talking dog!"

A man walks into a bar and asks the barman: "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The barman considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the barman: "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The barman agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out the tiny piano. Then, as the rat plays the blues, the man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him £100,000 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies. "He's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to £250,000 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to £500,000. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the barman demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere half a million!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was nothing special . The rat's a ventriloquist."

A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively "You've got great hair!" The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.

A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say "You're a handsome man!" The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from.

When he went back to his beer, the voice said again "What a stud you are!" The man was so baffled by this that he asked the barman what was going on.

The bartender said "Oh, it's the nuts - they're complimentary."

Q: What’s the definition of Euro Heaven?

A: British humour, French food, German technology.

Q: What’s the definition of Euro Hell?

A: British food, German humour, French technology.